Indie Booksellers Command Respect!
Blake: Hello, I’m local who’s going to be an author soon, and I was wondering if—
Bookseller: Stop right there, son. How is my bitch-please-you’d-better-not-be-about-to-mention-your-Xlibris-self-published-novel expression?
Blake: Really intimidating, actually.
Bookseller: Son, does your mother like your novel?
Blake: Thinks it’s the best book ever written.
Bookseller: As I thought. Could you go sit over there beneath the sign labeled “Group W Bench?”
Blake: But wait, what if I name drop every and any reputable author who has blurbed, mentored, or shared an elevator with me?
Bookseller: I will arch an eyebrow.
Blake: And what if I blather about my publishers in the US and the UK?
Bookseller: I will arch the other eyebrow.
Blake: How about a charming smile?
Bookseller: Son, let me tell you about being an Independent Bookseller. It’s war. And compared to war, all other forms of human endeavor shrink in significance. A charming smile won’t cut it.
Blake: Has anyone ever told you that you might be General Patton reborn in Indie bookseller format?
Bookseller: Heard the same comment last Tuesday, in fact. But how does that make you feel, son?
Blake: I’m pretty sure I’d jump on a hand grenade for you, sir.
Bookseller: Excellent. Here’s the email address for our event coordinator. See how long you can last with her.
Blake: Sir, yes sir.
Comments
7 Responses to “Indie Booksellers Command Respect!”
Kei
3:39 pm Aug-28-2009
You mean you didn’t come back with:
“I’m a med student and I just took the USMLE step 1 exam so you can’t scare me, sir!” ?
blakecharlton
3:49 pm Aug-28-2009
Haha! If only he had asked me for the two most common causes of pancreatitis in the adult American male, I should have shot him out of the sky
Mary Victoria
1:44 am Aug-31-2009
Ha! Oh God, this is hilarious. And wayyyy too true.
I just signed a contract last month with Voyager Aus. I’m a newbie author, completely at sea with this whole publicity thing (actually I was going to pick your brains re the relative merits of blogs, websites, FB, etc.) Anyway, the unspoken reaction on peoples’ faces when I mention my - obviously sordid - vocation makes me want to whip out a camera and record the moment. Oh yes. You too. Were caught on… AUTHORCAM!
Conducting the conversation with former work colleagues takes it to a whole new level:
Author: Hey, old buddy! I recently wrote a book, and I was wondering if—
Former Work Mate: So, when are you coming back? We haven’t seen you in, like, years.
A: Like I say, I’ve been writing a book, it’ll be published soon, and I was going to ask you -
FWM: A book? Wow, what about?
A: It’s fantasy. (Clams up, suddenly unsure whether FWM actually likes fantasy. Seem to recall he never read anything at all. Want to ask him to a book launch, but just can’t find the words…)
FWM: Cool. So, when are you coming back to work?
blakecharlton
1:46 pm Aug-31-2009
Ha! Spot on. Kinda sad I can laugh knowing exactly how you feel. I had a rather glorious slip up the other day in the hospital:
I do hope you put up a website and/or blog though so we can hear more about what you’re up to.
GOD OF INTERNAL MEDICINE: So, I hear you write books. What kind?
Blake: Fantasy.
GoIM: Like Harry Potter?
Blake: Oh, I mean adult fantasy.
GoIM: ‘Adult’ fantasy? Like Debbie Does Dallas?
Blake: Oh! No. More like…like…Gandolph Gone Wild?
GoIM: I see…If I ask my son what that means, will he tell me it’s funny?
Blake: If he’s geeky enough. (Please, God let him be geeky enough.)
Congrats on the Voyager contract! Tell us more about the book? You’re welcome to pick my brain as much as you like, but I’m very much feeling things out as I go along. So you might get what you pay for with my free advice and all that
Mary Victoria
2:59 pm Aug-31-2009
I hold to the theory that it’s better to write ‘adult’ fantasy than Harry Potter fanfic!
I mean, you know, at least the protagonists are in the appropriate age category. *sigh*
OK, onwards and upwards: let the brain-picking commence!
I signed/delivered my first novel in August. It won’t come out for another year. I have two more to write… and in the meantime, I’m wasting my time wondering whether I should fork out the cash for an author website, rely on free blogs to blather about book news, or stick to Facebook, where I regularly waste yet more time chatting to friends about cute kitten videos. (It’s a sickness, doc, I tell ya.)
So my question to you is: Which have you found to be a more efficient tool for reaching readers - blog, website, or FB? Or none of the above? Personally, I loved the website, and the fact that I could sample your writing. I like to look in a book before I buy it; blurbs don’t do it for me. But then again, a blog or FB has all that potential for two-way communication.
Awaiting your wisdom…
blakecharlton
8:26 am Sep-1-2009
a of all) you should friend me on facebook!
b of all) I’m pretty sure if we could cure the time suck caused by cute kitten videos, we’d be in the running for a nobel prize.
c of all) is there an “all above choice.”
so, i don’t really have an good answer to the question of how best to spend time and cash on book promotion. my first and only rule is that it must be fun for the author. the moment it’s not, the author should go back to writing. but that hardly diminished the choices. a few years back, i bought an HTML for dummies book and coded my present website with some free clip art. very cheep, not to hard, and kinda fun to see how websites are put together (on a basic level). you can also get the free pre-fab websites (i think livejournal is the best for SFF), which are even easier to set up (and likely easier to maintain). facebook IMO is a must. if you’d like to keep your author and real lives separate, maybe create a fan page. i fear the time suck. but this year, with the book at long last coming to light, i’m shelling out for a professional website that integrates facebook, this blog, livejournal, and twitter. it’s not cheep for someone with student debt, but also not a huge burden. i’m not entirely sure it’s going to be worth it. ask again in a few months? but i am sure it’s going to be fun.
don’t know if that really answers your question. if you’d like to talk to some web builders who have helped SFF authors in the past, drop me an email
Mary Victoria
2:56 pm Sep-1-2009
Actually this is stellar advice.
Blog and FB for now, fancy website later, perhaps.
I already have a dormant Livejournal id. I could use that… and of course I’ll friend you on FB, so you can have the joy of receiving yet more kitten videos! The only drawback with a FB page being you have to be a FB user to be able to view it…
Thanks, again, for taking the time to answer. Look forward to catching your news on FB.
- Mary