“Adult” Fantasy
Just as in this popular humorous post, an infinitely fractional* part of the below actually happened to me.
[Lights up on an atrium after grand rounds-fichus plants, white walls with tasteful hospital art. Upstage stand several folded tables with bagels on them. The CROWD OF DOCTORS, dressed in white coats, is milling about the table, chatting, holding paper plates with one or two bagels on them. Spot lights up on BLAKE, wearing white coat, and a MINOR DEITY OF INTERNAL MEDICINE, wearing glowing white coat and surrounded by a small cloud of butterflies, and a dancing Mongolian shaman.]
BLAKE: …and then the author described quite beautifully how he figured out the patient was surreptitiously taking furosemide.
MINOR DEITY OF INTERNAL MEDICINE: Interesting. Pardon me, but are you that med student who’s about to publish a novel.
BLAKE: Yes, I am. And, you’re a minor deity of internal medicine. You wrote that famous textbook.
MINOR DEITY OF INTERNAL MEDICINE: I am. [He smiles and shrugs. Spotlight intensifies on him. Butterflies flap more vigorously. Mongolian shaman dances tighter circles and holds up a copy of the famous textbook.] So, what kind of novels do you write?
BLAKE: Fantasy.
MINOR DEITY OF INTERNAL MEDICINE: Like Harry Potter?
BLAKE: Oh, I mean adult fantasy.
MINOR DEITY OF INTERNAL MEDICINE: “Adult” fantasy? Like Debbie Does Dallas?
[Suddenly the CROWD OF DOCTORS goes dead silent, and looks at BLAKE.]
BLAKE: [blushing] Oh…no, more like…like…Gandolph Gone Wild.
[Enter stage right BEARDED AND ROBED MEN dressed alternately in grey and white.]
BEARDED AND ROBED MEN: [running wildly across stage] Woooooo! YAYAYAYA! Woooo!
CROWD OF DOCTORS: [forming a huddle behind MINOR DEITY OF INTERNAL MEDICINE] Ahhh, help us! Save our souls. The geriatric ward has gone commando! We’re doomed! Help! Help!
MINOR DEITY OF INTERNAL MEDICINE: [holding up arms and shouting] You shall not pass!
BEARDED AND ROBED MEN: [standing still in stunned silence] What did you say?
MINOR DEITY OF INTERNAL MEDICINE: [holding up arms and shouting] You! Shall! Not! Paaaaaaaasssss!
BEARDED AND ROBED MEN: Fuck that! [continue cheering and running to stage left] Woooo! Show us your staff!!!! Woooo! [exit stage left]
[Silent moment passes before CROWD OF DOCTORS begins to chatter among themselves and eat bagels]
MINOR DEITY OF INTERNAL MEDICINE: [mildly] So, surreptitiously taking furosemide, you say?
[Blackout]
*and legally non-binding.
Comments
33 Responses to ““Adult” Fantasy”
Kei
5:16 am Jan-11-2010
Lmao- I love to start my day with a laugh!
blakecharlton
5:21 am Jan-11-2010
You’re quite welcome, Kei 🙂 Got a bit of insomnia over here and thought I’d see what ppl thought 🙂
Kendall
8:34 am Jan-11-2010
ROFL!
So…did anyone come up to you later and quietly ask where to buy your wizard porn? 😉
blakecharlton
11:13 am Jan-11-2010
they did! and-really really strange-they insisted on calling it “my precious.” creeeeEEEeeeepy! 😉
edifanob
10:50 am Jan-11-2010
Funny!
I would like to know whether your readers know furosemide? I didn’t know that.
In case you are as cluecless as I’m click here
edifanob
10:52 am Jan-11-2010
Ooops!
Link didn’t work. In case you want to know what is furosenmide then copy and paste http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furosemide
blakecharlton
11:17 am Jan-11-2010
thanks for the link 🙂 i just picked something random for jargon, but i’ll be nice that ppl can look up what it is.
Shellie
11:23 am Jan-11-2010
Very nice… lol!
blakecharlton
3:24 pm Jan-11-2010
Thank you kindly 🙂
GutterBall
11:54 am Jan-11-2010
*snerk*
Yoooouuu…shall not…pass up this opportunity to flash random medical-type people! Bow chicka bow wow!
Something’s so wrong with you. Too bad it’s such a good wrong thing. Ha!
blakecharlton
3:25 pm Jan-11-2010
blessed are those who’s neurosis can be converted into artistic or at least commercially viable fantasy product, nay? 😉
so, what do you think, did i live up to the billing of “strong bad goes to medical school?”
GutterBall
7:47 pm Jan-11-2010
Heh, good enough for government work, man. Too bad there was no mention of e-mail, but hey. Wizard porn has it’s own cachet. *wink*
Cara Powers
12:32 pm Jan-11-2010
Hilarious. My preceptor third year was a minor deity of internal medicine. You may have heard of him. Andreoli, the new top editor of Cecil’s Essentials of Medicine.
blakecharlton
3:26 pm Jan-11-2010
actually i have! how did you do around your Minor Deity, make a much of a hash of it as I did with Gandolph Gone Wild?
Cara Powers
7:32 pm Jan-12-2010
He liked me because I didn’t cry when he’d berate us. He was old school into hazing. I got a great recommendation. I was a lot tougher then.
Peter V. Brett
3:08 pm Jan-11-2010
I’ve been tripped up by the whole “Adult Fantasy” think myself.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
blakecharlton
3:27 pm Jan-11-2010
your posting on my blog makes me feel like a badass.
Peter V. Brett
3:09 pm Jan-11-2010
“think” myself? Ugh. Misspell. I must be cursed.
blakecharlton
3:28 pm Jan-11-2010
pete, if there’s _ever_ been _anyone_ you don’t have to apologize to for misspelling, it’s me…or…actually…I. damn.
so how can i get my hands on a copy of the desert spear audiobook?
Sam Sykes
6:30 pm Jan-11-2010
I am so far into this idea I have totally lost my way back.
I will aid you in this endeavor, Mr. Charlton. “Frodo Does Rivendell” shall be a masterpiece.
blakecharlton
6:40 pm Jan-11-2010
Nice call on Rivendell. Those elves were way hotter than the peroxide blond types in Lothlórien. (You’re impressed by the fancy ó, admit it.) For for a certain “niche” audience, I think we need to follow that with “Bilbo does Bag End.”
Sam Sykes
9:19 pm Jan-11-2010
I feel that might have dire consequences. Catering to a niche audience, while advantageous, can quickly curry a certain reputation…
…also, I know there’s only one or two to speak of, but is it weird that, in all this thought of LotR porn, neither of us has mentioned a female character?
blakecharlton
3:04 pm Jan-19-2010
do i sense that you shall continue this theme with a post on http://samsykes.blogspot.com/ ?
Harry Markov
11:44 pm Jan-18-2010
I laughed my ass out… I should handle posts that same way on my writing blog. Hahahaha, the Mongolian is awesome. I hope he makes a brief cameo somewhere else and are you sure you have not gone into Pill Land to get such a scenery going on.
blakecharlton
3:06 pm Jan-19-2010
sadly, such scenery is my organic state; any voyage to Pill Land would likely only make me something like normal 😉
i’ve still got the Mongolian shaman on contract, so i’ll see what else i can trot him out for…hrm…
PolyMath
4:53 pm Feb-17-2010
I will admit, this post caused me to ask my friend Google “Do Mongolians have Shamans (Shamen?)”
And, you know what, they DO!
blakecharlton
7:43 pm Feb-17-2010
indeed! i think the world could do with more shaman. if you haven’t bumped into it yet, here’s a fun article about modern Mongolian . though…i think i made up the part about them dancing…hrmmm…
PolyMath
12:06 am Feb-18-2010
Oh contraire, dear Wordsmith. Follow the links below and you will find, first, a blog devoted to the ceremonial masks of Mongolia and, second, a picture of the beloved Dancing Deer (undoubtedly the archetype for the Father of Bambi) played by none other than a dancing shaman.
My command of thoroughly useless information increases yet again. Thank you, Internet.
(1) http://sites.asiasociety.org/arts/mongolia/shaman.html
(2) http://sites.asiasociety.org/arts/mongolia/images/Mongolia5.jpg
blakecharlton
12:21 pm Feb-19-2010
woah, bosssauce! so i don’t make it up after all 😉 these are gorgeous photos. this is fantastic. the dancing deer reminds me of “horned one” of celtic mythology. maybe the met and hung out somewhere in siberia 🙂
man, be careful about that accumulation of impractical but super cool knowledge, accrue too much of it and i think the universe requires that you become a novelist 🙂
Lizette
7:14 pm Apr-7-2010
hahahahahaha….I’m sure Khaled got a kick out of this post. 🙂
BlakeCharlton.com » Is There Such a Thing as YA Crossunder?
6:32 am Nov-4-2010
[…] in seven different languages: six are shelving it as “adult fantasy” (no, not that kind of adult fantasy), and two of them are publishing it as YA crossover fantasy. I’m very cool with all of this, […]
Anmol Singh
12:20 pm Apr-14-2011
‘Debbie Does Dallas?’
LOL Blake, that’s too much, even for you!
i wonder what ‘adult fantasy’ you will write after spellwright trilogy is finished . . .
blakecharlton
12:36 pm Apr-14-2011
glad you laughed. and as for what’s coming after the spellwright trilogy…well..i’m wondering that too 😉